Wednesday, June 27, 2007

only one

i found this meme over here today, and thought i'd give it a try. anything to distract me from transcribing interviews from mothers with angry daughters (my current project, for which my b is my boss).

basically, you have to respond to each question in one word. and trust me, this is quite the challenge for ms. hyphenating-everything pants. particularly because AmandaD used some of my favourite, most-often used words as her responses, and, well, you know how much i hate repetition and non-uniqueness...
  1. Where is your cell phone? table
  2. Relationship? lifelong
  3. Your hair? streaky
  4. Work? insufficient
  5. Your sister? unborn
  6. Your favourite thing? twilight
  7. Your dream last night? twisted
  8. Your favourite drink? perrier
  9. * Your dream car? subaru
  10. The room you're in? stuffy
  11. Your shoes? closeted
  12. Your fears? numerous
  13. What do you want to be in 10 years? peaceful
  14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? bedelia
  15. What are you not good at? physiology
  16. Muffin? cookie!
  17. One of your wish list items? barbeque
  18. Where you grew up? winnipeg
  19. Last thing you did? exhaled
  20. What are you wearing? deodorant
  21. What aren't you wearing? bra
  22. Your pet? purring
  23. Your computer? imperative
  24. Your life? expansive
  25. Your mood? heightened
  26. Missing? innocence
  27. What are you thinking about right now? wedding
  28. Your car? saturn
  29. Your kitchen? disgusting
  30. Your summer? packed
  31. Your favourite colour? ocean
  32. Last time you laughed? minutes
  33. Last time you cried? tuesday
  34. School? hiatus!
  35. Love? always
* i can't help it - it's true!

so, give it a go. i promise, it's not as easy as you look, capturing yourself in stark, single words for all to ponder...

not as funny as the first one, but...

...still watch-worthy.

check it out.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

exploitation: verbatim

her, worriedly peering into the newly-established fish tank: "do you think there are too many bubbles for this tank? i'm worried that it's too chaotic for them in there!"

me, rolling my eyes at her neuroticism, which now, apparently, extends to our fish: "i think they're fine. if you're so worried, though, just change the bubbler thing..."

her: "well, can you help me?"

me, hobbling (as a result of a fresh football injury to my groin) to the bathroom: "help you? what do you need help with?"

her: "well, putting it in there."

me, peeing, yelling incredulously over the bathroom fan: "you don't need two people for that! you just reach in there and change the tube-y thing, i've done it about four times today alone!"

her, muffled: "i just don't want them to nibble my hand..."

me: "what? are you serious?!" (starts to giggle)

her, tersely: "shut up, b!"

me, hobbling back out to check if she's for real (and she is): "they don't even have teeth!"

her, doubtfully, eyeing 'the guys' (our fish, in plural): "how do you know that?"

me, snickering: "i'm pretty sure guppies don't have teeth..." (as i proceed to watch her haul up the bubbler thing by the tube so her hand doesn't touch the water) "oh my god, you're serious..." (dissolving into laughter that sounds strangely like a smoker's cough, complete with whistling exhalations)

her, fiercely, while nervously watching the opposite side of the tank where the fish have congregated: "shut up, b...! okay, where are the guysOHGOD!!" (jumping backwards, yelling at our yellow guppy) "a-lice!! get lost! why is she over here? she's supposed to be afraid of ME!!"

me: clutching my stomach and making squeaking sounds

her, angrily, eyes flitting at warp-speed between submerged hand and 'the guys': "shut UP, b!"

me: shaking in near-silent mirth with tears running down my cheeks

her, panicked: "why are they not staying OVER there?!"

me, gasping: " blog this!"

her: squealing as lincoln (the molly) crosses into her half of the tank

me, trying to catch my breath: "come on...are you serious here?"

her, pleadingly: "stop making fun of me and help me!"

me: doubled over again

her, desperately, doing a real hack-job of sinking a bubbling wand to the bottom while trying not to put her hands in the water: "come on! i need some help!!"

me: useless

her, on the brink of hysteria: "you think this is reaaallly funny, don't you?!" (to our blue guppy): "come ON, che, get away from here!!!"

...and on it went. ten minutes later, here i sit with a throbbing groin, rivulets of salt down my cheeks and a sore gut from laughing, when i hear:

"are you blogging in there, b?"


(quietly resentful): "smartass..."

Monday, June 25, 2007

so you don't like the heavy stuff, huh?

all righty then, then i present you with some random, pointless information! :) this is one of those memes that is circulating right now...i just looked for shits n' giggles, but some of the stuff that came up was strangely prophetic and i thought i'd share it with you.

basically, you click your way to google and then type a search for "[your name] needs" and see the top x things (i'm choosing 15) that come up. then, you share them. ta-dah!!

(according to google, that is)

KD needs...
  1. " know exactly what time she is to be doing something and exactly how it is to be done." (uncanny!)
  2. " get out of the house more." (i knew it. google has spies!!)
  3. "...this type of concrete feedback to grasp her own progress." (i wish there were an example of what type of feedback it was that i needed...i need to know *exactly* what is meant by that, pronto!)
  4. " be patient." (ouch-ah!)
  5. "...a schedule." (i will agree, on the condition you pronounce it sked-jule and not shed-jule)
  6. " again!" (again?! more like 'still.')
  7. " vent." (i am assuming they mean vent my issues, and not my armpits. i have been showering regularly, after all...)
  8. "...some serious prayer for health and personal problems surrounding her life right now." (wellll...who doesn't have health and personal problems? at this point, i'd request that you save those prayers, though...they make me a l'il bit nervous...)
  9. "...a big hug." (very true. from someone providing concrete feedback, preferably)
  10. "...match the content of any story." (wha?)
  11. "...quiet." (seeeriously! i could use about 3 servings more o' quiet per day!)
  12. "...constant antibiotics to stay healthy." (listen, when people keep wanting to pray for your venting do what you have to do!)
  13. " spend less time on the computer and more time doing some weight training or something." (google. totally. has. spies.)
  14. " get busy and model a few for us." (a few what? g-strings? ankle bracelets? beer bongs?)
  15. "...something good!" (yeah. like my ego back from under the google-spy's shoes.)

Monday, June 18, 2007

what happens to clean laundry at our house...

deep as a puddle? not i, madam...

i have been told that i think too much (or too hard, or too deeply, or too fill-in-your-favourite-word-of-excess-here). though i personally would prefer to err on the side of being thoughtful, people often make this comment to me with a tone approximating disdain, accompanied by much sighing and eye-rolling. well, put your exasperation aside, folks, cuz i just can't help it. as much as i like quacking to my favourite songs, i am not much like a duck at all (this being a reference to the whole water-rolling-off-my-back thing).

lately, i have been plagued by a sense of loss. there have been tangible losses, such as the loss of my
beloved nephew-dog, and there are a couple of others that i don't even know how to write about yet. but there have been other, more illusive losses that unfurl themselves in my stomach, with slow but sharp tendrils prickling behind my eyelids and making my heart ache. these are the ones that are the most unsettling. these are the losses that have caught me unawares.

it sounds kind of dramatic, but my sense of being in the world has shifted. i have come to some very uncomfortable, painful conclusions about myself and my interactions with others, and they are not things i can control, or change...or forget about. these conclusions are like the hushed, reverent voices of a hundred little lamas in my ears, and they have been whispering 24/7 over the past three weeks.

i can assure you i am not cracking up...i've already been there, done that, and trust me, this isn't what it looks like - for me, anyway. after 13 years of battling, denying, and finally accepting my life with a diagnosis of major depression, i am quite familiar with the 'landscape of my madness.' but this...this constant feeling of emotional indigestion is almost more painful, both because i am facing a difficult truth, and then because it is one that people have pointed out to me all my life (which, in kd-land, means that i have been compelled to resist it!!). damn, i hate when people know me better than i know myself.


however: something wonderful has happened as a result, and i'm pretttttty sure you're going to think i'm really off my rocker when i tell you what it is. i can't describe it how it feels, other than it's like a dam has been broken somewhere inside of me...and i now have this new superpower (it truly feels that way!) that enables me to cry like a normal person. that is to say, i can cry more openly, and most exciting - i can cry when i feel like crying. it's crazy. these days, when i feel sad, or happy, or when something has touched me, i can tear up with the best of them. i'm on the top of the world, i tell you.

don't get me wrong, i'm a gal that does my fair share of boo-hooing, but my crying has always been hush-hush, a covert activity that i undertake privately and usually alone. somewhere along the line, i perfected the art of deferring crying from when i felt like it, to a time when i was hidden away from everyone else. it became an almost academic undertaking, whereby i replaced feeling with thinking - mostly thoughts about how i absolutely couldn't and shouldn't cry. (note: here again, hypocrisy abounds. i have none of the judgmental and punitive feelings about other people crying. just myself.) indeed, i have yearned for years to cry when i felt like crying - years, i tell you!! - and i have saluted, envied, and prayed for all you normal people to write cognitive-behavioural books so i could try training myself to cry or something...but alas, somehow i have figured it out, when i least expected it. and it is divine.

so, yeah. i know i am on the upswing. sometimes it just has to be bad awhile for it to get good, right?

Sunday, June 17, 2007


yeah, i know. i'm really inconsistent with this whole blog-writing thing. i don't know what to say, except that lately, there has been SO MUCH to say that i've been immobilized. silenced. for once, quiet (at least here. i'm rarely quiet this long in real life).

not that i flatter myself that you're all waiting with bated breath for my brilliant entries, but i know how irritated i can get when i check people's blogs, and they don't write for weeks on end. i know. i'm a hypocrite. i'll write it out 100 times on my little ikea blackboard in the kitchen, i promise. plus, i'll drink my morning merlot from this mug for like, the entire month of july.

anyway, somehow i've found my voice and enough focus to sit down and write, mainly so you can breathe easier. prepare yourself - it's all a-comin' down tonight...